Attachment styles, developed during early childhood, continue to influence our adult relationships. Secure attachment fosters a sense of safety and trust, allowing individuals to form secure and fulfilling connections. Anxiously attached individuals crave intimacy, but their fear of abandonment can lead to clinginess and emotional volatility. Avoidantly attached individuals value independence and distance, often suppressing their emotional needs to protect themselves. Consequently, they struggle with intimacy and may exhibit emotional detachment. These patterns can impact adult relationships, with anxiously attached individuals seeking reassurance and validation, while avoidantly attached individuals may struggle with commitment and vulnerability. Understanding one's attachment style can help navigate relationship challenges, promote self-awareness, and enable more conscious choices. Therapy can provide a supportive environment to explore attachment experiences, develop healthier coping strategies, and foster secure attachments, promoting more satisfying and balanced adult relationships.

1. I either get too close to people in an intense way or don’t connect with them at all. It’s an extreme behaviour that leads to extreme feelings, highs, lows and heartbreaks. Any idea why I’m like this?

I understand the importance of examining your experiences through a lens that acknowledges the influence of societal norms and personal history on your behavior and emotions. Your description of intense connections followed by a lack of connection suggests a pattern that could stem from various factors. It is important to note that without a comprehensive assessment, I can only provide a general perspective. 

Your intense connections followed by a lack of connection may be influenced by attachment styles, which are shaped by early relationships with caregivers. An anxious attachment style leads to a desire for closeness but fear of abandonment, while an avoidant style involves emotional distance as a protective measure. These patterns can fluctuate, resulting in the extremes you described. Understanding the underlying causes is crucial for developing healthier patterns. Reflecting on your personal history, attachment experiences, and societal influences can provide insights. Seeking support from an empathetic psychologist can create a safe space for exploration and help you develop coping strategies, emotional regulation techniques, and communication skills for balanced and fulfilling relationships. Remember the importance of self-awareness and self-compassion in personal growth and transformation.

2. I have been told that I can be really clingy and needy in relationships which always overwhelms the other person. Most of the times when I’m behaving that way, I know I’m being annoyingly needy but I can’t help it. This behaviour has pushed most of my boyfriend away. 

I want to acknowledge the distress and challenges you face when you're told that you can be clingy and needy in relationships, leading to the distancing of your partners. It's important to approach this issue with empathy and compassion, recognizing that your behavior may stem from a deep longing for connection and validation.

Understanding the root causes of your clinginess can be a helpful step in addressing this pattern. It's possible that past experiences or unmet emotional needs have contributed to your attachment style, which manifests as clinginess. Exploring these underlying reasons with the support of a feminist empathetic psychologist can help you uncover any unresolved emotional wounds or insecurities that may be driving your behavior.

Building self-awareness is crucial in navigating healthier relationship dynamics. It involves recognizing your emotional triggers, understanding your own needs and boundaries, and developing effective communication skills. Self-compassion is also essential during this process, as it allows you to approach yourself with kindness and understanding.

Remember that your journey towards healthier relationships starts with understanding and healing yourself. By addressing the underlying causes of your clinginess and developing self-awareness, you can cultivate more balanced and fulfilling connections based on mutual understanding, respect, and consent.

To learn more go to www.tanyamaliktherapy.com