Trigger warning: topics of abuse and assault

If you are in a situation similar to what is mentioned in this column, please know that you are not alone in this, and there is support available to help you heal from this experience. If you are in a unsafe or potential threatening situation, do not hesitate to get the help you need.

1. I was sexually abused when I was 10 and I’ve never told anyone because I blame myself for it. It was someone from the family and my parents still don’t know. I’m in my 20s now and I still get nightmares about it. I want to share it with my parents now but I’m afraid of the consequences.

First and foremost, I want to express my empathy and understanding for what you went through. It takes a lot of courage to share your experience, and I want you to know that you are not alone. As a trauma-informed psychologist, I understand the difficulties that come with processing such a traumatic experience, especially one that involves someone from your own family.

It's common for survivors of sexual abuse to feel guilty and blame themselves for what happened. However, it's important to reframe this thought process and recognize that you are not responsible for what happened to you. It's important to be kind to yourself and not hold yourself accountable for someone else's actions.

It's understandable that you want to share your experience with your parents, but it's important to take your time and do what feels right for you. It's important to remember that this can be a challenging process and can significantly impact your relationships with your family members. As your therapist, I am here to provide support and guidance through this decision-making process.

Creating a safe and comfortable environment where you can express your emotions and feelings freely is essential to the healing process. In addition to talk therapy, there are various techniques and tools that can help you manage your symptoms and promote healing. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, can help you learn to regulate your emotions and reduce anxiety. Grounding techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, can help you stay in the present moment and avoid flashbacks. Self-care activities, such as exercise or journaling, can help you cope with your trauma and promote a sense of well-being.

Overall, it's essential to validate your experience, provide a safe space for you to share your story, and empower you to make your own decisions about disclosing the abuse. By incorporating various techniques and tools, you can begin to process your trauma and take the first step towards healing.

I noticed that you mentioned feeling guilty and blaming yourself for what happened. It's important to reiterate that you are not responsible for the abuse, and I want to validate your experience and support you in reframing your thought process. It's also important to recognize that it's common for survivors of sexual abuse to have these feelings and that it's a part of the healing process to work through them.

Additionally, I want to emphasize that you have the agency to decide whether or not to disclose the abuse to your parents. It can be a difficult decision, and it's important to take your time and do what feels right for you. As your therapist, I am here to provide support and guidance through this process and help you navigate any potential challenges that may arise.

In terms of tools and techniques to manage your symptoms and promote healing, I mentioned mindfulness practices, grounding techniques, and self-care activities. It's important to find what works best for you and incorporate these practices into your daily routine. I also want to mention that there are other therapeutic approaches, such as cognitive-behavioural therapy and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), that may be helpful in processing trauma.

Overall, I want to reiterate that you are not alone in this, and there is support available to help you heal from this experience.

2. When I was a teenager an older cousin sexually abused me repeatedly. It carried on for years till I left for college to a different state. It’s been 3 years and I can still not get physical with any of my partners. 

I'm sorry to hear that you experienced such a traumatic event. It's not uncommon for survivors of sexual abuse to experience difficulties with physical intimacy. It's important to know that healing is possible and seeking out therapy with a trauma-informed therapist can be helpful. A therapist can work with you to develop coping strategies and techniques to help you move towards healing and regaining control over your own body.

In addition to therapy, there are also things you can do at home to help manage the emotional distress you may be experiencing. One technique that can be helpful is grounding. This involves focusing on your senses and the present moment to help you feel more grounded and in control. You can do this by taking deep breaths, noticing the sensations in your body, and identifying things around you that you can see, hear, touch, or smell.

Another tool you can use is journaling. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you process what you've been through and gain insight into your emotions. You can also use journaling to track your progress and celebrate your successes along the way.

In addition to difficulties with physical intimacy, survivors of sexual abuse may also experience challenges in other romantic relationships. It's common to have trust issues, fear of vulnerability, and difficulty with emotional intimacy. These challenges can be addressed through therapy with a trauma-informed therapist who can help you work through these issues and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Remember that healing is a journey and it's important to take it one step at a time. With patience, self-care, and the right support, it is possible to heal and build healthy relationships in the future.

Remember, healing takes time and it's important to be patient with yourself. It's okay to take things one day at a time and to focus on small steps towards healing. You deserve to feel safe and in control of your body, and with the right support and guidance, you can work towards reclaiming your life.

Go to www.tanyamaliktherapy.com to learn more.