Finding what feels like the perfect match can be challenging. The narratives around it in movies and stories make it seem like there’s one perfect person who is going to stumble into your life on a magical morning. Dating today goes a little differently.

1. I have a habit of picking the wrong guys. The kind of men who are charming at first and toxic later on. It’s such a pattern and I’m sick of it. Why do I always land myself in trouble when it comes to choosing a guy?

People have become more open to dating numerous people, this helps them understand more about what they want in a relationship. Having multiple experiences can be a wonderful thing, because it allows you to observe numerous situations and learn from each other. It allows you to learn what you like, what you don’t like, and what is a no-go for you. No-go’s are extremely important to define for yourself. We can learn what is not okay with us from previous experiences and apply them to our present and future. No-go’s are a type of personal boundary we set for ourselves with our partner - they are things that you do not stand for in a relationship. When choosing someone, I suggest reflecting on your past relationship to identify behaviours or actions you do not want to have repeated in your life. This reflection will make it easier to identify red-flags for you. Stay safe, try to avoid risky situations, and find a consistent person you can trust. 

2. When I was 20 I had a bad relationship experience with a man who literally deceived me. Now I honestly do not know and can never tell whether a man is genuinely nice or faking it to impress me. How can I tell if a guy is right or wrong for me? Is there some kind of evaluation I can use on dates?

I'm sorry to hear that you had a bad experience in your past relationship. It's understandable that you may have difficulty discerning whether a man is genuinely nice or faking it, given your past experiences. However, it's important to remember that each person is unique and not all men are the same. It's important to approach each new relationship with an open mind and evaluate the person based on their actions and words over time.

In terms of evaluating whether a guy is right or wrong for you, it's important to take your time and get to know them. Pay attention to their actions and how they treat you and others. Do they treat you with respect and kindness? Do they listen to you and value your opinions? Are they honest and trustworthy? These are all important qualities to look for in a partner.

It's also important to trust your gut instincts. If something doesn't feel right, it's okay to take a step back and reassess the situation. If you're feeling unsure about a guy, take some time to reflect on what you want in a relationship and whether this person aligns with those values.

Lastly, communication is key. It's important to have open and honest conversations with your partner about your expectations and boundaries in the relationship. This can help you both understand each other better and build a stronger connection.

Remember, it's okay to take things slow and be cautious. Trust yourself and take the time to find someone who truly values and respects you.

3. Why am I just attracted to “bad boys”?

It's not uncommon for people to feel attracted to individuals who might be considered "bad boys" or "bad girls". These individuals may have qualities that are attractive, such as confidence, charisma, or a sense of adventure. However, it's important to recognize that these qualities don't necessarily equate to a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Sometimes, people may be attracted to "bad boys" because they unconsciously associate those qualities with excitement and passion, or they may have had past experiences where they were hurt by someone who seemed more "safe" or "nice". However, it's important to remember that true passion and excitement can exist in a healthy and respectful relationship as well.

It's important to reflect on why you may be drawn to "bad boys" and consider whether this is a pattern in your dating history. If it is, it may be helpful to explore this pattern with a therapist or counsellor. They can help you gain insight into your attraction and work with you to identify any underlying issues that may be contributing to it.

Additionally, it can be helpful to broaden your dating pool and focus on finding someone who aligns with your values and treats you with respect and kindness. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual trust, respect, and communication, and these are qualities that are important to prioritise when seeking a partner.