It seems that everywhere you look on social media, people are spouting words of wisdom - on life, love, work, health, and everything in between.

And we are eagerly lapping it all up! But in the quest for hacks and transformational fixes, are we left overwhelmed and unsatisfied by the very thing that is supposed to induce inspiration and vigour? Have we reached a saturation of self-help?

It was November 2014. I was going through a shattering breakup, drowning in junk food, watching bad television, and holding on to an enraged Kelly Clarkson’s assurance that what hasn’t killed me would make me stronger.

I harboured a silent suspicion that I would never recover. Until one day in a haze of misery, I happened to drift into a second-hand bookstore. The titles screamed out to me. If someone had a nugget of wisdom to share on discovering an unshakable love, finding true happiness, building a rock-solid career, being super successful, I wanted to know it all!

I emerged from the store more than 2 hours later, beaming with newfound hope and armed with a bundle of self-help books, vowing to “fix myself” and nurture my heart back into fullness.

I tried everything. From daily kickboxing to affirmations and the compatibility/psychological/emotional IQ test, I did them all! You can imagine how disappointed I was when, two months later, I broke down at work.

I had a sinking feeling that I wasn’t doing it right. If I did it “by the book”, I should have been completely fine by now. But none of this borrowed wisdom was working. I was not only still heartbroken, but I was also tired and overwhelmed from the hours I was investing in trying to get back on my feet.

“God helps those who help themselves,” said nobody ever!

Sometimes, the truth is that you cannot help yourself. No amount of positive, feel-good talk will cut it. Because in that moment, you are utterly depleted. The pressure of trying to pick yourself off the ground only begets added stress.

Asking for help is, unfortunately, perceived as a sign of weakness, incompetency. Everyone would much rather maintain a stiff upper lip and appear perfect, wholesome and trouble-free.

We are hesitant to expose our areas of lack or loss, lest we are judged. Self-help podcasts, books, talks and videos, therefore, neatly fill this void - providing guidance and encouragement without asking any questions. This is why it is tempting to seek solace in them repeatedly.

The genre is hugely popular, placing numerous titles for sustained periods of time on bestseller lists and even garnering celebrity endorsements from the likes of Oprah Winfrey!

The merits are clear. Self-help is a great resource because they offer a peek into someone else’s journey along a similar path. Letting us in on that helps us feel less alone, more understood, and encouraged because our goal is finally within reach (there’s usually just 10 “simple” steps to it!).

As a society that is fighting demons within ourselves and out in the world, we have never been more in need of help and encouragement. So where do we draw the line between seeking wholesome advice and blindly following a Pied Piper in this rat race?

It seems we have reached a saturation of self-help and are none the better for it.

Given the steady rise in the availability of self-help material, logically we should see a decline in negative emotions of varying degrees. But it seems that loneliness, depression, anxiety, insecurity, and inadequacy are seeing an upward climb.  In an attempt to be empowered, indestructible, and self-sufficient, we are weighing ourselves down further, and chasing our tails endlessly. What is necessary during this time is proper soulful connection. There is beauty in vulnerability and strength in seeking support.

While many self-help books are great and serve the purpose of assisting growth and development, some are grossly misused and inacurately advertised. Titles are often sensationalised to appeal to audiences-  “Overcome Alcoholism”, “Get Rich Fast”, “Never Be Afraid Again!”, “Make Him Stay - You Won’t Ever Lose a Man Again” etc.

Presenting false, exaggerated outcomes are bait to the vulnerable. The truth is that some deep, personal issues need strong, emotionally invested advisers. Make sure you do your research because not everyone who writes a self-help book is an expert (not to mention, even truthful). Test the quality and qualifications of the person recommending self-help hacks and quick fixes.

While the availability of self-help is a blessing, as with any other market, cheap substitutes are inevitable. It's incredibly easy to dole out mantras for success without any solid evidence that it actually works. The result: Mundane, sub-par content that does not generate any sustainable benefit.

Not to mention this interesting discovery that came to light in a study conducted by Goodreads, “What’s special about the genre of self-help, however, is that there are more men writing and more women reading, so the majority of women seeking advice end up getting it from male authors.”

Self-help books are often presented as one-size-fits-all.

We all face heartbreak and failure, but every heart doesn’t break the same way and every failure doesn’t take the same shape. Some books don’t tackle specific issues sufficiently, leaving a lot of open-ended questions that cannot be clarified.

While a book may be the perfect solution for one person, it may leave another completely confused.

Reading multiple self-help books can do the same thing. One will tell you to “dream big because the dream is everything. Your success is in your ability to dream.” Another will tell you decisively to “stop dreaming and proceed in a logical fashion. Nothing like hard work and grit”, leaving you suspended between these two contradictory opinions.

Remembering that the account of these authors and self-certified gurus are their own personal journey, to assume to walk that path, step for step is not only impossible, it is completely unnecessary.

Regularly reading self-help books can actually hamper introspection - there is always another’s voice ringing in your head - chiding, nudging, berating, exalting. It leaves little to no room for you to really assess your own feelings, thoughts or ideas. Moreover, comparing your progress with the expectations laid down by a book can be very discouraging.

Self-help is best consumed as a snack, not a staple diet.

It can be a great friend, but no matter what it will tell you, there isn’t a single, certified way to live your richest, fullest, abundant life.

While the advice may be useful, it cannot and must not replace real, authentic human connection. As with everything else, it is wise to use discretion, and balance the intake of self-help with the support of loved ones and trained professionals. The intensity of the circumstance demands the degree of help required. Following a twelve-step program to learn to accomplish more each day while simultaneously battling crippling anxiety may not be the best idea. Enlist an expert for that.

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