Growing up, we never encountered a truly relaxed woman. Successful, productive, anxious, apologetic—yes, but relaxed and at ease? Rarely. We've met strong, kind, brave, creative, courageous, compassionate, athletic, adventurous, and academic women. Women who hide, yearn to be seen, criticise themselves, heal, and struggle. But women who prioritise rest, pleasure, and play without guilt? Who takes up space confidently? Who gives themselves unconditional relaxation? Not once, and that says something about the world we live in.

Recently, a 26-year-old Chartered Accountant, Anna passed away after relentless night shifts and impossible deadlines, which her mother later noted in a letter to the company’s chairman while calling out the toxic work culture of the company. Her story is a testament to the modern woman’s hustle across the globe, but specifically the work-life imbalance women in India face.

Raised in a culture that glorifies busyness, women are conditioned to believe that constant activity equals success. Guilt accompanies moments of idleness, hobbies morph into productivity tools, and relaxation becomes a reward for reaching exhaustion. In this cycle, relaxation is misunderstood, sought after only as a fleeting escape from constant stimulation rather than a genuine state of calm and rejuvenation. Mental health expert Tracey Horton notes that modern women often feel compelled to fill every moment with "productive" tasks, straining under societal pressure to excel in both professional and personal realms. This emphasis on "having it all" has overshadowed the importance of rest, with many women sacrificing relaxation or justifying their downtime as less valuable than active work.

Why is relaxing so important?

According to the International Labour Organisation (ILO), Indian women work anywhere between 55-57 exhausting hours a week. Yet, despite the stress of their demanding jobs, their workload at home barely changes. While families now accept women working long hours, they’re still lagging in sharing household chores and caregiving duties. Women are overworked, at home and in their offices! Being independent for a woman comes with immense responsibility from both, her workplace and her household, forcing her to become a wonder woman, but one that desperately needs to rest a little.

In a world where women have long been the unsung heroes of multitasking and perpetual motion, the importance of rest and relaxation cannot be overstated. Many of us grew up observing our mothers and female role models exemplifying a relentless work ethic, perpetuating the belief that constant productivity defines success, neglecting self-care. In the U.S., 42% of women feel burned out, and about 1 in 3 are thinking about stepping back or leaving their careers because of the strain of balancing work and life. In India, the number is even higher, with 57% of women feeling overwhelmed, largely due to the added pressure of juggling both professional and household responsibilities. Rest isn’t a luxury; it’s essential for staying balanced, reducing stress, and recharging so we can thrive in all areas of life.

Surabhi Yadav’s project, Women At Leisure, is dedicated to capturing women in moments of rest and relaxation. In an interview, she insightfully remarks, "The more I paid attention to women at leisure around me, the better I understood how little time they actually had to relax, explore themselves, and be idle. For men, being idle is a choice—a right they earn by virtue of being a breadwinner or one in the making."  Her words brilliantly expose how society hands men the free pass to relax, while women are expected to earn their moments of peace.

What does it take to relax?

So, what does it mean to achieve a state of relaxation? Simplify it by identifying what truly matters to you. Evaluate if your time aligns with your priorities. You can only focus on a few key areas. Focusing on priorities instead of overextending, setting boundaries is seen as self-care, enhancing well-being for all. Joseph Campbell's advice: encircle what's important, with women at its core. According to Joseph Campbell's view on sacredness: draw a circle around what's important. Women should define their circle and place themselves at its core.

To enhance relaxation:

- Acknowledge your needs matter as much as anyone else's.

- Challenge guilt associated with relaxation. Note the toll of neglecting rest: resentment, fatigue, and diminished capacity.

- Start with small moments of quiet and rest. Recall activities from your youth that brought joy and begin there.

- Remember, relaxation is your right; seek support and schedule time for it. Prioritise relaxation commitments over other obligations.

Society's transition from leisure activities to a performance-based notion of relaxation reveals a societal emphasis on busyness and productivity, especially for women, overshadowing the importance of genuine calmness and leisure. Women often cite cooking, driving, or journaling as relaxation methods, yet these activities still involve problem-solving or caretaking. Rather than focusing solely on self-care, we should aim to create spaces conducive to our well-being. Breaking busy habits and seeking contentment, reconnecting with childhood joys, learning to say no, and embracing moments of slow silence can help cultivate genuine relaxation. It's time to challenge the notion that relaxation equals laziness and embrace the idea that true relaxation is a vital component of holistic well-being.

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References:

The Relaxed Woman | Claire Cohen | Medium | Grazia Daily | Mamamia | Prudence Henschke

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