While looking up good father’s day gifts online, as a fun experiment I decided to ask Google what makes a good mother and a good father respectively and the results offered some perspective that I would love to share with you. While a good mother is described as someone who is patient, empathetic, always there for her kids, unconditionally loves them and is as forgiving as they come, a good father spends quality time with his children, engages in activities, conversations, and bonding experiences. On the surface level, it seems like a spectacular deal, but on further examination, I realised that a good mother caters to the everyday needs of the children, be it physical, emotional or mental, making it similar to a full time job. However, a good father can be their own person throughout the day while only dedicating some time to their kids.

The idea of a good father is taking social media by the storm, so let’s dive deeper into this thought and look at the anatomy of a “good” father!

1. Changing diapers, feeding the baby, and putting the children to bed. 
2. Going to parent-teacher meetings, school plays, and sports events. 
3. Assisting children with their schoolwork and projects. 
4. Participating in cleaning, cooking, and other household duties. 
5. Being there to listen to and support their children emotionally. 
6. Ensuring children are dressed, fed, and ready for the day. 
7. Bringing children to doctor's appointments, dentist visits, or extracurricular activities. 

While fathers participating in these tasks is a great step forward, it is still just the bare minimum. 

Why are moms held to a different standard than dads?

Mothers are always expected to be sacrificial and always nurturing their children because they are considered the default caregivers of the family. Fathers, on the other hand, provide through financial contributions but times are changing, slowly but surely. Historically, the gender roles have been divided to ensure that fathers have little to no involvement in the emotional upbringing of the children. Similarly, cultural narratives play a major role by emphasising the rarity of paternal participation in caregiving, thereby reinforcing the idea that such involvement is noteworthy. There is also an underlying gender bias that perpetuates the idea that caregiving is inherently a woman's responsibility. When men engage in caregiving, they are often viewed as going above and beyond, whereas women are simply fulfilling their expected roles.

Why is it important for this narrative to change?

For the longest time, we have collectively accepted and celebrated the bare minimum that our fathers have given us, owing to their busy schedules and physical absence from a major part of our lives. Nevertheless, times have changed and 37% of women in India work according to the Periodic Labour Force Survey of October 2023, and yet mothers are expected to come back home, cook, clean after the kids, and ensure that the children are doing well in school, with no special acknowledgement of being exceptional mothers. It’s high time our fathers got more involved than before and set an example for the children to learn from. The venn diagram of the anatomy of a “good father” and the anatomy of a “mother” would be a full circle; so while these qualities make a father good, they are only the prerequisites of being a mother. No man should have a child unless he is ready to actively contribute as much as a mom would towards the emotional and intellectual well being of the children. Most importantly, let’s also applaud our mothers for doing the things that we, as a society, worship dads for because as great as a dad might be, he is still not doing as much as a mom. 

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References: 

The Hindu | Slate | Gooddads | Joanna Anastasia

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