What is Weaponized Incompetence?

Weaponized incompetence is a term used to describe a deliberate strategy used by individuals or organizations to achieve a specific goal by appearing to be incompetent. In other words, they use their incompetence as a weapon to confuse, distract or frustrate others. It can be a powerful tool to gain control over a situation, as it can cause others to underestimate or dismiss the person or group employing it. 

Weaponized incompetence can be seen in various contexts, from politics to business to personal relationships, where it is often used as a means of manipulation and can have damaging consequences for those affected by it. BACP psychotherapist and Relationship Expert, Anjula Mutanda explains:

“Weaponized incompetence is in reference to pretending that you’re not able to do something so that somebody else steps in and does it for you. For instance, you may not want to unload the dishwasher, so you use the excuse such as: ‘you know where everything goes better than I do’."

Who is getting affected and how?

Weaponized incompetence can be linked to patriarchal systems, as men in positions of power may use their perceived incompetence as a way to maintain their authority and prevent women from advancing in their careers or gaining power. If women are too busy doing things men claim they can’t do, they will never have time, patience and the energy to do the things they want to do. This can create a cycle where women are repeatedly passed over for promotions or leadership positions, reinforcing the patriarchal system. 

In 2021, research by YouGov suggested that 38% of women who work full-time and have a partner say they do most of the housework and childcare – with just 9% of working men with partners say the same. Something about these statistics suggests that men choose selective competence, wherein they are too smart in the workplace and must be paid more than women, and too dumb in the house, where women must take over all the work.

How to deal with Weaponized Incompetence?

Have you asked a man to help in the kitchen, and they casually deny it saying they don’t know how to cook or cut vegetables or even clean the house? This is a small example of how people pretend to not know something so they are never made to do it, and that way they can rest while you do all the work. 

However, there are ways to deal with weaponized incompetence in your workplace and interpersonal relationships:

1. Recognize it: The first step is to identify when weaponized incompetence is being used against you or someone else. Recognizing the patterns of behavior can help you avoid being manipulated or taken advantage of.
2. Document everything: Keep detailed records of any instances of weaponized incompetence, including emails, meetings, and conversations. This documentation can be useful in defending yourself against false accusations or in making a case for action against the perpetrator.
3. Address it directly: Call out the behavior and communicate to tell the other person that it is unacceptable. This can be done in a respectful and professional manner, but it is important to be firm and clear in your communication. It is time to set boundaries ladies!
4. Seek support: Talk to others who may have experienced the same behavior or who can provide support and guidance. This can include colleagues, mentors, or human resources professionals. Talking to others can save you from getting gaslighted into believing that it was your fault.
5. Take action: If the behavior continues or escalates, it may be necessary to take action, such as filing a formal complaint or seeking legal assistance. It is important to protect yourself and others from the negative consequences of weaponized incompetence. However, in personal relationships you can always offer to teach the other person something instead of letting them off the hook. 

It is important to ask yourself, is the other person really incompetent or are they just not trying to learn and take the load off of your shoulders. We must hold people accountable and encourage them to learn, however, it is not our duty to teach them something as basic as cooking, cleaning or looking after themselves. If the men in your life cannot do simple tasks such as taking the trash out, maybe they need to be thrown out with the trash too. Do not let someone’s incompetence be the reason you can’t use your full potential to reach your goals!

References

1. You Gov
2. Cosmopolitan
3. Glamour