Female rivalry in the workplace often occurs when a woman co-worker uses her position and/or power to move ahead by keeping another woman down. This doesn’t always manifest explicitly, but can be done covertly, all the while unnecessarily competing with women co-workers. This toxic attitude is the opposite of “being a girl’s girl”, as the internet would now say, and is perpetuated by the patriarchal, misogynistic belief that it’s the professional world belongs to men and there is just one seat available for a woman, so she must neutralise all competition to make it to the table. 

We involuntarily internalise hostile feelings and attitudes towards other women and invariably end up blaming ourselves for the toxic behaviour. But what’s really at fault is the non-inclusive workplace culture that was built and continues to favour men, leaving women and other minorities in the periphery leaving them no choice but to view anyone else from that minority group as competition. 

This rivalry is fueled by sexist trends in the workplace. Based on various studies it was found that: 

• Both women and men judge women more harshly when they speak. Women are also interrupted more, or even silenced and the judgement is reserved for the women being interrupted, not the interruptor.
• When both women and men are mentored, men are promoted at a higher rate.
• Women tend to invite and value healthy competition, like fighting fairly for a job, project, or promotion. But many times they are met with resistance because the unofficial single seat reserved for a woman on a team is filled. 

The “one seat at the table” mindset comes from a belief that diversity is mandated, but not practically useful; even though there is extensive evidence that more diverse teams perform better, are more innovative, produce more revenue, and higher profits. As well as there being studies to prove that women, in many situations, make for better leaders than men.

Signs you are perpetuating female rivalry:

• You judge women for making choices you wouldn’t or are too afraid to make.
• You’re critical of women’s actions but turn a blind eye to those same actions when it’s a man.
• You make excuses in your mind for blatantly sexist and/or non-inclusive behaviour saying, “it’s just the way it is”.
• You compete with other women co-workers more than you collaborate with them. 
• You gatekeep useful knowledge from other women that you do not technically have a monopoly on. 
• You perpetuate sexist attitudes by gossiping and throwing other women under the bus when it comes to weaknesses you’ve noticed in them. 

Undermining women in your workplace often stems from something unconscious that is deep rooted in the internalised norms of behaviour in a patriarchal society. This includes biases and insecurity that results in competitiveness, excessive criticism and personal attacks.

Things you can do to break the cycle of female jealousy and rivalry at work:

• Initiate a mentorship circle, creating a safe place for women to learn and be supported by other more experienced co-workers.
• Observe and learn from those who have been there longer than you have. Whether that includes you learning from their mistakes or networking with them to get yourself and other peers on their radar for future opportunities. 
• Call out sexist jokes or passing comments when they are problematic or attacking another woman’s character, could be detrimental to her growth. 
• Take note and work on your own internalised misogyny. A good starting point is to ask yourself if there is a difference between what you would expect from a woman versus a man in the same position. If you’re holding the woman to a much higher standard, then start by dismantling that internalised sexism. 

Internalised sexism (for example, automatically assuming the “boss” is a man or assuming that if a woman is successful, it’s because of some unfair means, but if a man is it’s because of his hard work) needs to be combatted to women to see themselves outside of the miniature box they’ve been forced in to. To understand that to sustainably grow and climb the ladder and break the elusive glass ceiling a woman must champion the women around her rather than solitarily elbowing her way to the top. The more we understand and put this into everyday practice, the more opportunities will open up for increased success.

References

Harvard Business Review | CNA Lifestyle